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When my book hit the Wall Street Journal bestseller mums and dads date a few weeks ago an acquaintance called to say, "Congratulations on hitting the bestseller list. I'll keep my fingers crossed your next book hits the New York Times bestseller list.

I said, "Thank you," but at the same time, I was wondering was that really a compliment? As an 'accidental author' who never intended to write a book, I was overjoyed my book got published. The fact that it hit several major bestseller lists was icing on the cake. While this wasn't exactly an offensive comment, it got me thinking about how often people mix praise and criticism in the same sentence.

Clearly, some backhanded compliments are mean-spirited, while others are said out of ignorance. Sometimes, it's helpful to consider the person's intentions before choosing your response. Staying silent doesn't mean you're letting yourself get pushed. In fact, saying nothing at all can be one of the best ways peopple avoid giving away your power. It sends a message that says, "I don't value your opinion enough to justify it with a response.

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Silence also avoids an argument. When to use it: It's a good tactic to use nad you know someone is likely trying to get your attention. If your child says, "Thanks for taking me to the park today.

It's about time you took me to do something fun," don't take the bait. There's no need to justify your choices when someone hurls an insult, especially if your response res;ond likely to help. So rather than get into a debate about why the comment is hurtful, a simple thank you can be the best way to move forward.

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The 'thank you' approach is especially effective when people give a backhanded compliment out of ignorance. When Grandma says, "I'm glad you got a job in real estate.

Feb 22, Right now, instead of telling people that I can't or won't reply, I'm The reason a real response and a real thank you works is because the. Feb 19, I'm not one of those people who is interested in coffee!” Weird we all have thought, once in a while, and it's true – but it's also true that our. won't need your products anymore—if you're selling children's clothes, for instance, and the children have grown. Some people won't want your products.

That computer stuff you were doing from home wasn't a real job anyway," a simple, "Thank you," could be the best way to move forward. Feedback and criticism can be essential to respon your performance, but sugarcoating an insult with a compliment usually isn't constructive.

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Acknowledge the positive portion of a backhanded compliment to show that passive-aggressive communication isn't effective. When your boss says, "You were so productive today!

It's too bad you didn't do this last week when I could have used your help even more," respond by saying, "Thank you for noticing my hard work today.

Backhanded compliments can damage relationships.

So sometimes, it's best to address the issue in a direct manner. Otherwise, the snarky comments might continue and the relationship could deteriorate. When you don't want a hurtful comment to get in the way of your relationship, speak up. They hide your belly nicely," respond by saying, ral glad you like these pants, but the comment about my belly is hurtful.

Is An Automated Response Better Than No Response At All?

Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is not take yourself--or someone's backhanded compliments--too seriously. The person who offers them may not know how to deal with their emotions or they may be trying to hurt you on purpose. Respond with a little humor, without getting snide. A co-worker who says, "Congratulations on that promotion.

Perhaps you won't be so irritable all the time in your new position," is probably envious of your success. A good response might be to say, "Yikes! Sounds like you'll be happy to see me go.

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